Chapter 14 - July 5, 2011

My daughter left for Texas the other day. It was great to have her here. It reminds me
that what is really important is kindness and compassion. You see, it’s really almost like
being reborn again. You’re like a baby. You’re natural reaction to a baby is kindness
and compassion. I guess that’s what it all comes down to when you’re sick like this.
Anyway, Sam gives a lot of kindness and compassion and it made me realize that’s all
you really need. That’s my profound thought of the day.

This week was the 4th of July weekend, and friends encouraged me to go out. It’s good
to break up the routine of therapy and healing. I went out to listen to music. I thought
the noise would really bother me as it has in the past, but I found I could deal with it. It
was good. It was great to go out, though it made me real tired. Every little move was
like running a marathon, which brings me to a thought: When you go home after being in
the hospital so long, be very careful. You will get so tired. I guess you call it “stimulus
overload.” I find it to be very tiring. I’m still not used to it yet, and it’s been 8 or 9
months since I came home. Going through this stupid divorce doesn’t help. It’s a fact
that my wife is suing me for divorce, but I’m not supposed to talk about that so you could
draw your own conclusions.

Oh yeah! Anyone know how to make a Voodoo Doll? Just kidding. I don’t think one is
needed. Remember, live by the sword, die by the sword. And if you don’t have anything
nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I’ll leave it at that. I put away my soapbox.

I will say one thing though, you’ll find, I think I mentioned this before, you will find
people react differently to your illness. You’ll discover who your true friends are and
who is really a good person. Remember, kindness and compassion.

I would like to share a story with you. While I was in therapy, my mother brought Sam
upstairs to see a fellow friend on the 2nd floor. When Sam arrived on the 2nd floor, she
saw balloons at the nurses’ station. She asked, “What are those balloons for?” and the
nurse replied, “Oh, it’s a patient’s birthday.” Sam said can I see the patient? The nurse
replied, “You’ll have to ask her family if it’s o.k.” Sam said, “Where are they?” She got
permission, went into the room and saw the patient. Imagine Jaba the Hut lying in bed
with tubes coming out of her. But Sam had no fear. She belted out, “Happy Birthday”
song to the mean woman, the patient. When Sam was done, she left the room with the
patient smiling ear to ear. Remember, kindness and compassion. She has a good heart.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you.

The county nurse has provided a shrink to come and see me. It’s really important to
unload your fears and questions. I don’t know how you go about doing it, but she seems
to help. Hey, whatever gets you by. Could be friends, family, or professional.

The other day, I was in therapy, my occupational therapist noticed a bite on my arm.
It was a tick bite with a bullseye. I probably got it from the dog. They put me on an
antibiotic because I seemed weak and had a fever and had been throwing up. So after

speaking to my neurologist, I started taking antibiotics. But they’re kicking my butt. I’m
tired all the time and I feel stiff all over. It’s hard to even lift up my arms. Brings out
claustrophobia in a big way, and makes it very difficult to talk. I always remember what
my neurologist said. He said, anything you catch, you’ll feel a hundred times over. I
must have lyme disease, or at least I can really feel the effect of the antibiotics.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I can’t seem to catch a break. Talk about being up
against the ropes. Oh man. I can’t even watch TV. My eyes are still jumping. It seems
the only break I get is when I sleep. It’s kind of cool. I look forward to being in my
dreams of running or surfing or playing with my daughter. So when I wake up, I always
look forward to being normal, but I’m greeted with the same old bullshit over and over. I
can’t walk, I can’t see. No one understands me. I can’t talk properly. Back to training.

This might sound corny, if you’re healthy, thank God, or whatever you believe in that
you’re normal. I mean, the fact that you can stand up and go get a glass of water and
drink it, is a miracle. Be thankful for what you’ve got. They took away my damn
driver’s license. Can you believe it. That would be interesting to see me drive. Ha. Be
thankful you can drive. I could drive, but I’m sure I’d take out a few trees. Ha.

Anyway, I’ll talk to you guys later. B. Nice.

P.S. I just wanted to give a shout out to my cousin and his wife. They’re about to have
a baby. I’m really proud of them. They helped me get through some really tough times.
Now they’ll be rewarded with a beautiful baby. Good job you guys. Well done.

Chapter 13 - June 28, 2011

After thinking about it, make sure your insurance is updated. You never know what’s
next. Be sure you’re covered for traumatic incident. Especially therapy. I said it before
and I’ll say it again, make sure you read the fine print. I was lucky. My insurance
covered almost everything, although, it was a lot of work. You have to make sure you
have a point person. Most therapists roll their eyes and run the other way when you
mention insurance. It’s such a game, a raquet. You really have to be on top of things.
I’ve seen some crazy things happen to people who really needed insurance. Anyway, I’ll
get off my soap box and stow my megaphone for now, because if I get into it, I get really
pissed off. Just make sure you cover your ass. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I’d
be here in this situation.

On top of things, my wife left me and sued me for divorce. It makes my insurance
situation even more complicated. Most hospitals like mine will issue a social worker
to help you, but if you want something done properly, you have to do it yourself, or at
least really get involved. After all, it doesn’t help my recovery to have to deal with all
this stuff. It seems to make things worse. I mean, I can’t even get a wheelchair I need.
By the time I get it, I’ll probably be walking again. So stupid. Anyway, don’t get me
started, ha, ha.

I did have a mental break this week. My daughter came to visit me. She was supposed
to be here on Father’s day, but that’s a whole other story. She’s been so great. It really
means a lot to me to have her around., even if it’s only for a short time. Because my
time with her is so short I try to pack as much in as possible. It was cool, she said to me,
remember she’s only 4 and a half. She said to me, Daddy, your speech is much better.
Wait, she said, your talking is much better. I had her come to therapy and had her stick
around when I walked with the therapist. I thought it was important that she see I’m
getting better.

All the pain and suffering goes away when you hear those simple words, “Yay! Yay
Daddy!” That was when I was walking last week. That was 8 months after my second
operation. And it’s been great having her here. She’s a handful though. 4 and a half.
I think if we could harness her energy, you could run your city for one day. Man, that
kid’s got some energy. It’s tough though because all that energy makes me so tired.
Thank God my family and friends are here to play with her and take care of her.

I’ve been pushing to do water therapy in the pool but my main therapist wants me to
wait a little longer. They want me to do more weight bearing exercises. It’s frustrating
cause I’m really antsy to get in the water. It helped me so much after the first operation.
I’m going to talk to them again this week. Being in the water helps one’s balance and
coordination. And really helps your overall therapy, I believe.

Speaking of overall therapy, the woman, Barbara, who is in charge of all the wheelchairs
is amazing. It really is an art form I never knew about, and it’s rare that you can get
a customized chair to your needs. Most chairs you can get are for generic cookie

cutter chairs. There’s a big difference. I never knew it but you can tell. Anyway, the
wheelchair place has been very helpful. You see, as you get better you will receive tools
like a wheelchair or a walker or a lift to assist you in getting better. When you’re done
with them, you just move on to the next thing. I remember sitting in a wheelchair for the
first time. I felt so restricted and confined. When actually it will give you more freedom
to move about and it will keep you safe. Remember that in many cases it’s just a step in
the long journey of healing. Don’t get hung up on the tools.

I think I’ll go play with my daughter now. I’ll see you all later.

Chapter 12 - June 16, 2011

So here’s my profound thought of the day: Many years ago, when I was young, I had
a summer job renting out boats. I witnessed 4 people drowning. They were swimming
from a boat. It was violence in its purest form. They were all killing themselves or
killing each other to save themselves. By the time I got to them, they were all under.
I couldn’t save anybody. They all drowned. This brings me to the current time when
you see someone drowning, sometimes you can’t help them. They may kill you as well.
They might bring you down as well. Sometimes you just have to let people drown. I
knew if I got to those guys many years ago, they would have killed me as well. Oh yeah,
ha ha. I just remembered I got divorced last week, speaking of that. Ha ha. Divorce is
like a death. It is a death, a death of a relationship. Your whole life changes. I’m just
angry at the other team. I’m upset but time is a great healer.

I went to my old stomping ground the other day. I saw my friends I surfed with. It was
a great escape. It was a little bittersweet as it was a town I used to live in when I was
married and had my daughter. I saw my old house, etc. I am glad I went, though I’m
very tired from the experience.

Overall, it’s been a tough few weeks. My body is changing. Something is changing.
I feel very tight in my face, my thoat, my chest, my hands. But I still have a positive
thought on the future. The future is wide open. I can do whatever I want. I’m starting
over again. Kind of a cool thing. But, it’s like a circus act. You have no safety net.

My friend Julie, just asked me if I was feeling my body more. If I was, I guess, more
sensitive. I don’t know the answer to that question. All I know is I’m sick of this shit. It
would be great to wake up one day and be normal.

Well, it’s back to work tomorrow. I go to therapy again. I think I said it before, but I
just wish I would get a break. Someone throw me a bone! Heh. Even hardcore training
on the track team, you get a break. I feel like I’m pushing and pushing and pushing, but
there’s never any positive outcome that I can see. Other people tell you, “Oh, I can see a
little difference.” That helps immensely.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I just also wanted to thank my mom because she drove me
out there and she helped me to the beach. She’s like a super-mom. When you’re sick
like this, a TBI victim, you really need a point person, someone to run your life because
there’s no way you could do it alone.

Anyway, back to work. I’ll talk to you guys later. Bye for now.

Chapter 11 - June 12, 2011

I’m not sure if I shared this with you, but my injury is named Traumatic Brain Injury.
They have one floor at the rehab hospital just for people like me. TBI, that’s what they
call us. I’m in the same category as the soldiers that come back from Iraq, FBI agents,
federal judges, housewives, car accident victims, etc. I was in this special group, and
you have to remember, each person and each case is uniquely different. There’s no game
plan. There was no All Knowing of what’s going to happen. You kind of go with the
flow and make up your own world. The brain is an amazing organ. I’ve seen people that
were shot in the head walk out the door in months. Our cousins, the stroke victims, were
just down the hall. I saw them come and go as well. You never know what’s around the
corner. I could be better next week. Let’s hope, at least.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. That’s all for now. See you soon.

Chapter 10 - May 31, 2011

My friend Julie, who’s writing this, noticed some improvement. Like I’m more
expressive with my hands. Other friends say my speech is clearer. There are definite
improvements, but on the other hand, I had a week from hell, ha ha. I think I’m at that
angry stage. I imagine you go through different emotions. Right now I’m pissed off.

I always remember my doctor saying, “Have patience.” How do you keep biting your
tongue and not being able to move or walk, etc., etc. Oh, I had an epiphany! I just
remembered something. I was sitting on the porch as I do in the hours of the day, looking
at a tree, thinking, life is like water. You have an idea where it’s going, but you never are
sure where it will end up. That’s my profound statement of the day, that day.

I did have and I’m still having a rough week. I think I’m more aware of my body. I’m
waking up I guess. I remember in therapy as I was walking I was thinking, damn, I’ve
come a long way, and then I remembered, I still have a long way to go, and a lot of hard
work to do. I think I’m tired. I need a vacation. But you can’t run away from yourself. I
guess that’s profound. That’s number two.

My friend invited me to Paris. He has openings in some hotel in Paris. I’d love to go,
but I can’t fly anywhere. I’m thinking of taking a boat one day, a steam ship. This week
I was going to keep myself occupied so we transformed the front room into my living
space. It gives me a sense of privacy and I can still go on to the deck. I’m trying to turn
this great house into a location. Make the house work for my parents for a change. It’s a
great location. I’ve worked here many times before. A commercial place down the road
also offered their grounds as a location. So I’ll combine the two.

I think, to make a living these days, you have to almost have two businesses. I have
photography, but I’m thinking of also starting another one with a friend of mine that I
grew up with. I can’t tell you what it is, but I think it’s a good idea. It’s fun to start a
new enterprise. Hey, I’ve got nothing but time to think of new ideas.

I guess that’s it for this blog. We’ll be in touch next week. Remember, stay positive.
See you later. Bye.