April 8, 2014

All by myself. Man, I can't wait to have a dinner all by myself. That's the first thing I'm gonna do when I get better, is dine alone. People have been feeding me for about 4 years now. I feel like a bird. Anyway, that's just a thought I thought I'd share with you.

Hi everybody. Welcome to another week. I had a, what they call a, brush up course. I went to my old therapy center for a brush up. The first thing I said when I went in there was, "Wow, I love what you've done with the place!" Sarcastically. They changed a few torture things around. You know, like the mat, the bike, the parallel bars. You know, rehab stuff. Anyway, they did stuff like evaluate me. Like put me on the mat, put me on the parallel bars, see how I stood. The whole process was exhausting. I'm still recovering from it. And it triggered more, what I call, moments.

The other thing I've been doing is I've been collaborating with my father. He's a fine artist. A painter. Up at the top I included an example of what we've been doing. His figures represent Earth Wind Fire Water and gravity. I do the more abstract things. Abstract is politely saying, messed up line. I can hardly hold a brush. Anyway, check it out.

It's been nice here. It's turning into Spring. I opened my cafe table outside. Overall the weather really helps. I can get outside and do exercise. It's good for the spirit. You know, the other thing I want to mention is, a couple of my friends stopped by. The one common thing we talked about was meditation. Back in the day, my form of meditation was surfing or running. I would always think about surfing when I was going through the rough stuff. You know, like stuff at the hospital. Surfing really got me through the bad times. Oh, I'm having a flash back. Heh. I was at the hospital one day. They parked me outside the nursing station as a way of keeping an eye on me. They parked a judge to my left and a drug dealer to my right. I said to them, "Hey, have you guys met?" And the funniest part was the judge kept trying to steal my bagel. I'll include some photos from my trip I did. Not much else to talk about. Just working hard. Love you guys. Love, B. Nice

April 1, 2014

Man have I got a big pear! My friend here brought me and my other friend out to lunch and the waiter put a big plastic pear at our table. I looked around the restaurant. No one else had a pear. I said to the waiter, "Why do I have a big pear?" and I gestured with my hand. He didn't think anything was funny, at least anything I said. I guess when you're in a wheelchair and you talk like a burnout, no one takes you seriously. Or maybe that's why I had a big pear. It was to warn everyone, "Stay away from this guy." I mean all the other waiters. Anyway, it was a good lunch. Thank you my friend who's sitting across from me.

Hi everybody, Welcome to another week. Hey it's April Fools Day. I'll get back to that in a minute.

I'll tell you, when you have traumatic brain injury it takes forever to heal. If you're just starting to read this blog and you have a traumatic brain injury, man, get ready because it's gonna take a long time. I've been at this since 2009. I'm still in a wheelchair. Still dizzy and I still talk like a burnout. You gotta have patience. Remember, patience is a virtue, but all virtues have their limits.

What I said above is my profound thought of the day. My friend here reminded me of that and it's true. Hey, you know what else I did recently? I tried a bike, or a trike. It's pretty cool. I'll go every week and go around a lake. It's great to get outside. Feel the wind in your face. Two therapists will go with me. One guy I know. Hopefully he won't push me into the lake. I used to tease him all the time. We'd be swimming in the pool and I would say, really loud, "Hey! I got your memo. I know I have to learn how to do everything all over again, but I really feel uncomfortable about learning how to make out with you." I guess this is his chance to get back at me.

I was reading back what I had said, reading back the stuff above, but I want to clarify one thing. I am getting better. It's very slow, but I do get better. My eyes are registering. I'm constantly changing, but it's all for the good. So I just wanted to clarify that.

My personal life has been like a roller coaster. Remember, it's important you try to alleviate stress. I don't know how you do it, but I meditate. It seems to help a lot. Not much else to talk … Oh yeah, I wanted to tell you more about April Fools Day. My sister runs a therapeutic Equestrian center. She built it and runs it. She's out of town right now and I was going to call her up and say, "There's some dude outside your house with a horse trailer and a horse. And then he tied up the horse to your house and drove away with the horse trailer. He basically abandoned a horse at your house." After laughing to myself for a while I thought maybe it's not such a good idea that I call her and do this. It seemed funny though. My friend here reminded me it's cruel. Hey, but what do you have a little sister for?! I love her though. I wouldn't do anything cruel…maybe. Check out my other blog. It's stuff about the past. My friend here will include the link. I'll include some photos I did from my trip recently. Have a good week and April Fools everyone. Love, B. Nice

March 26, 2014

Hi everybody. Welcome to another week of Paradise. I say this a bit sarcastically. I mean, very sarcastically. It's a bit of a cliche what I'm about to say: you know, you're born alone and you die alone and you have two options in between. You can either be a lump, a useless piece of protoplasm that takes up space on the Earth, or you can have a big adventure. I think I'll go with a big adventure. I think my big adventure, everything I've gone through, has gotten me ready for what I'm going through now. I said it before, but I'll say it again. It's important to look at signs. Am I making any sense? It only took me two brain surgeries, 5 other surgeries, countless MRI's, countless visits to the ER, advice from a nurse and countless drugs to figure this out.

Life has been a bit crazy for me right now. My personal life is beyond crazy. It brings a lot of stress to the table and stress, when you're like this, stress is not good. It really brings you down. I have a lot of what I call "moments." Only way to get through these moments is do a lot of drugs or meditate. I choose to meditate. Like my friend here says, meditate not medicate. It's up to you. You can take some pills, drool and stare at the wall, or you can stare at some trees and the sky and meditate, with no medication. Like I said, the choice is yours.

Let's see, what else is going on this week? When you have traumatic brain injury your life swings back and forth between good and bad. I was going to get all deep on you, but you know what, forget it. Maybe I fell out of bed and hit my head. What is happening is I'm going to go back to out-patient therapy and get a brush up on my walking. That's cool. I'm also going to go back to swimming. That is great. It feels great cause it's really the only place I can play water volleyball. I'm just kidding. It's the only place I can walk freely. It's still bizarre to me. I used to run a four minute mile pace. Now I can't even stand up. Just standing with help is so boring to me. I've been doing a lot of art therapy. I'm going to include a heart that I do every day for my daughter. My friend here will take a photo for me, of a heart, and some other drawings that I do. I was going to include the link to my other blog. You know, I tell stories, well not all the stories, but some stories from the past. Some things I simply can't talk about. Hope you have a good one. Love, B. Nice

March 18, 2014

So imagine this: imagine with all your energy you hold onto a rail. You've got a death grip on the rail with both hands, and then with all your energy you lift up your leg and put it on a step and step up, with all your energy. Then you lock that knee and the other leg follows with all your energy. That's the first step. Now go to the eighth floor. That's what my day's like. Hi everybody. Welcome to another wonderful week. I'm gonna dedicate this blog to my friend who's on Broadway. She got my daughter and my mom and me some great seats. What a great day. Anyway, this blog is dedicated to her.

You know, when you have traumatic brain injury, or something catastrophic, you usually mask your fear with something else. I try to make light of my situation and joke around. Another guy who has traumatic brain injury is in my program and he uses porn to hide his fear. He has an obsession with breasts. They can be on anyone as long as they're large. Hell, if I put a bra on my ass and cropped it right, he would flip out. Wait, that's kind of disturbing that I even thought of that. Anyway, I am a sick puppy. I know. Anyway, I try to hide my fear with laughter.

I saw my physical therapist the other day and she thought it would be a good time for me to have a brush up class. In other words, I go and see her and she evaluates where I am, what I need to have done. I need a new brain. A brain named "Abby Normal" would be fine. Anyway, it's cool cause she suggested I get some parallel bars and start walking. Perfect timing because the weather is getting great on the porch. It's a lot of work though, believe me. There's a big trade show coming up. They have all the equipment you need to get better. I'll go to that and check it out.

The other thing I've been doing is I've been getting on the floor with a mat. My health aide lowers me onto the floor with my lift. I can stretch out, do some yoga like cobra. Feels good. It still amazes me that I'm pretty much like a rock when I get on the mat. I can't do a thing, but you know what? I think about last year. I couldn't even lie on my stomach. I would flip out. So I am advancing, I am getting better. It's slow, but it's happening. My friend here said it's great to realize and it great is to realize. I've been also tooling around in my power chair. I've gotten better at it, thank God. My parents have some nice furniture. It would be a shame to trash it any more.

OK, I'm gonna share with you a brief story. I probably shouldn't tell you, but I'm gonna tell it anyway. You know, I was complaining about the fact that I'm in a power chair. But you know what? I'm lucky. There are some people who can only move their face. They're in power chairs but they control the chair by blowing into a tube. Anyway, there was one guy that went missing at the hospital. He was a guy that was in a power chair with a tube. Well, he had had enough. He escaped the hospital, met some other girl that was in a power chair and went to a local  bar. They drank and drank and they got ripped. They drank so much beer but couldn't get into the bathroom. Their catheter bags were full of pee. They drank so much their bag, which is on your ankle, burst open and the pee went all over the floor. I have a feeling they didn't give a shit. Anyway, security found them at the bar and it was off back to the hospital for them. Just thought I'd share that with you. I'm sure I'm not supposed to tell you, but you know what? I don't care.

I'm going to refer you over to my old blog site. My friend here will give you the link. You know, it's about the past. You think about the past a lot when you lie on your back. Have a good week. Love, B. Nice

March 15, 2014

Hi everybody. I'm gonna dedicate this blog to my friend. She knows who she is. I get to see my daughter because of my friend. She donates mileage on an airline and my mother goes all the way to Texas to pick her up. Anyway, this blog is dedicated to my friend.

It's the middle of March. Beware the Ides of March. Just a thought I thought I'd throw out there. It is the middle of March and Spring Break came by and went, and I got to see my daughter. Man Kids are amazing. LIke I said before, they're really a gauge of time. My daughter is so grown up. Amazing. I took her to a Broadway play. It was enough to drive into the city, but the Broadway play really sent me over the top. When you have Traumatic Brain Injury, any excessive stimulation makes things difficult. I have a friend who was in this Broadway play. She played a leading role in the play. My friend said to me, "Are you sure you can handle all the lights and the music. Remember this play is done by Rogers and Hammerstein." I said, "Sure, I can take it. What's the big deal?" Then the first curtain went up in the first act I thought I was going to fall over in my wheelchair. Talk about an assault to the senses. There were lights, dancing, loud music, fog machine, strobe lights. It was enough to knock me over in my wheelchair. Plus it was really really loud. I had to keep my eyes closed for most of the play. But, you know what. It was all worth it to see the look on my daughter's face. My daughter was on the edge of her seat, smiling for the whole play. Plus, she got to go on stage at the very end, and meet some of the actors. It was all worth it.

You know what's really weird and bizarre? Every once in a while I get an absolute moment of clarity. Just this morning, as I was about to get off my exercise machine, it was like someone flipped a switch and I had a moment of normalness. Well, it was, the closest way I can describe it, it was a moment of happiness, but it was very brief, and then it went back to, well, Hell. It was like someone flipped a switch back. You know, I said it before, but I'll say it again. If you can bottle the way I feel, you could make a fortune. Some people pay a lot of money to feel the way I feel right now. But for 24/7, I don't think so. Anyway, it was good to feel normal even if it was for a second.

You know what's worse than monday morning while it's raining? Nothing. That's just a profound thought I share with you. There is one worse thing, and that's letting your 7 year old daughter drive your power chair. She totally T-boned me. I was in my backup wheelchair when she rammed me.  I think it was on purpose. She was having fun though. Luckily it doesn't go that fast and it has a governor on it. Plus, for some reason, the dog stays at the other side of the house. Smart dog. 

You know, when you have traumatic brain injury, you really got to pace yourself. I'm exhausted from my daughter's visit. Mind you, it was all worth it, but you know, the visit, plus everything else really makes me tired. You've got to pace yourself. My friend here reminded me, sarcastically I might say, "Gee, I never heard you say that before." Maybe I am 93.

By the way, here's a picture of me and my heart. I paint a heart almost every day, for my daughter. And no comment like, "Brian, you got so OLD. What the hell?" Especially you my friend in Australia. May I remind you of a time when people thought I was your son. And on top of that, your real son said to your wife, "When's that big kid coming back?"

Oh, I just want to share one other thing with you. There is one other thing worse than Monday rainy morning, and that is getting into a fight with someone you love and halfway through the fight you realize you're wrong. ha ha ha. Anyway, I'm gonna share the link of my other blog with you. My friend here will include the link. By for now. Love, B. Nice