June 26, 2017

1346-02sm

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about my past.

I wanted to say, “Happy 4th of July,” to everyone now, because I might not get to you next week. I’m gonna tell you why: Children with fireworks; Adults that have been drinking (and using fireworks) – ¬†should be banned . I’ll explain.

A long time ago, when I was a kid (kids can be so cruel), I was playing in a big field with a friend of mine. There was this little kid that followed us everywhere. We called him Shadow. Anyway, me and my friend were up in this field looking for a place to set off our big fire cracker. Well, we found a huge fresh cow patty and thought that was a good place to set off our firecracker. We told Shadow to stand over the fire cracker and make sure it didn’t go out. My friend and I ran and hid behind a tree. We heard, “It’s still going. It’s still going.” and then BanG! Splat. There was cow manure all over the tree, then we came out from behind the tree to see Shadow coming toward us covered in smoking cow shit. That’s one reason why kids shouldn’t play with fireworks.

Another time, I think I already told you long ago, but I’ll tell you anyway, I was having a big party (imagine that) in college. The guy across from us would always call the police on us. He was a real nerd. Real nosy. Anyway, the police came to our party and shut it down. Well, my friend was sitting in the front door and saw the nerd across the street in his doorway. So my friend grabbed a huge fireworks rocket out of my closet (I just happened to have one). My friend fired the rocket right at the guy. The guy dove for the ground screaming. The rocket went into the guy’s apartment and all you saw through the windows was bright colors or Red, White, Blue. Come to think of it, it was probably pretty dangerous.

The last thing I’m gonna tell you was this one time recently. I was doing a photoshoot at my parents house. My first assistant found a firecracker in my old bedroom. He said to me, “Does this thing still work? It’s like a quarter stick of dynamite.” I said, “I don’t know. I guess it still works.” Well, we had a generator under the porch. My first assistant said to the third assistant, “I think the generator is fluctuating. You better go check on it.” So my third assistant went to check on the generator. My first assistant lit the firecracker and threw it under the boards. They went off BANG! The third assistant dove from underneath the porch screaming. I never though a human could jump up in the air from a standing still position so fast. The guy was like a cat. I laugh about it now. The guy probably hates us, but it was pretty funny.

That’s all I’m gonna tell you this week. Have a good 4th of July. Hey, you know what’s pretty cool? Because I see double right now, I see twice the fireworks you do. Bonus,

Love, B. Nice

P.S. Oh yeah, check out my other website where I talk about the present.

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