May 24, 2016

LTI_300700_6663-12

Hi everybody. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past.

So it’s come to this. I was in acapulco, in a pool, surrounded by Roman columns with flames coming out the top. I was swimming naked, being served champagne by high class hookers in high heels. My friend here said, “Did you just say, ‘just high heels?'” No, they had metallic bathing suits on. Very 70’s. The women were serving champagne and various other adult entertainment items. Now I’m stuck at home. I’m 55 and living with my parents. I’m watching public broadcasting TV and watching the most depressing detective story I’ve ever seen. Oh yeah, and I’m in my bed with the world’s smelliest dog. What’s the world coming to? My parents did save me though. They saved me from a nursing home. My mom has been looking after me and she’s doing an amazing job. Thought I’d just throw that in there.

You know, you take it for granted, but my job brought me to some amazing restaurants. i miss those days. I should have weighed like 300 pounds. We ate great. Hawaii was my favorite because we would have fresh fish every night. The sushi was amazing. Come to think of it, I should be a consultant for people who want to go on vacation. I know where all the good food is.

I’m gonna leave it at that cause I’ve got to go back to therapy – or was it dinner? I can’t remember. Have a good week.

Oh yeah, here’s the blog where I talk about the present.

Love, B. Nice

May 17, 2016

kangaroos

Hi you guys. Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past. A family friend came by the other day and dropped off some dinner. A much appreciated dinner. It reminded me of the picture above.

I told you this story a long time ago, but it was so great I think I’ll tell you again. I call this story, “My Friend.”

It took place in an area called Pretty Beach, Australia. When you would sit down around the campfire, a bunch of kangaroos would come and hang out with you. They were looking for food. Now, imagine this. imagine about eight kangaroos sitting around a campfire like they were your friends. They would sit there and stare at you. Well, I was holding a box of cereal and I reached out to give them some cereal. One of them reached out his paw. Their paws are scary. Their hands are like claws. You’d think they’d be soft and cuddly but they’re not. On top of it all, their back legs are powerful with a middle toe that is like a switchblade. I’ve been told to stay away from their back legs. All my Australian friends say, “Oy mate, she’ll cut you in two seconds.” Pleasant thought. Anyway, I reached out to give this small kangaroo some cereal. The kangaroo knocked all the cereal off my hand, grabbed the box and ran off with it. All the others chased him into the bush.

That’s all for this week. Miss and love all you guys. Love, B. Nice

Oh, check out my other blog, where I talk about the present.

May 3, 2016

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Hi you guys. Welcome to the blog where I talk about my past.

The following story takes place in a bar (imagine that) in New York City, around the late ’90’s.

So imagine this, I was at a Christmas party, a modeling agency Christmas party in New York City. It was in a cool bar in New York City. Anyway, I was sitting around a table talking to some of the models I work with when I felt some person pushing in on me, trying to get in on the conversation. Let me tell you, this person on my left was really pushy, so I pushed back. I gave whoever was there a stiff elbow jab to my left. I then turned to my left and it was The Donald. He wasn’t happy. That guy’s a big dude. Anyway, I apologized. He still looked unhappy, so I got up to leave. When I turned around there was the largest man I’ve ever seen. He was helping me move my chair. It was The Donald’s body guard. The guy looked like a defensive lineman for the New York Giants. I was happy I didn’t pursue the matter and just left to get a beer. It was a good party though.

That reminds me of another story, I think I told you, but I’ll tell it again anyway. I was, once again at a Christmas modeling agency party when I didn’t feel good, so I decided to leave. I told my roommate I was going and climbed the stairs to make a quick exit. I was on Madison Avenue, so I decided to get a cab. When I saw a cab, I raised my arm and it threw me off balance. I started to fall backwards and looked down I saw the word Police on the car I was about to land on. I thought, “Well, I should probably remove my body from a police car,” so I ended up on the ground. Next thing you know, I’m surrounded by police. My friend came out of the party and yelled, “Oh my God! Help him, help him” And no one did anything. My friend is French so he said, in a very thick French accent, “Why don’t you guys help him? He does a River Phoenix in front of you and you don’t even help him.” One of the policemen said, “Shut up Cousteau, and get him out of the street.” And we wonder why my head exploded.

That’s all for the week. Remember, it’s Mother’s Day coming up. Here’s a link to my other blog.