Chapter 122 – January 28, 2014

Hi you guys. Welcome once again to the past. I’m gonna tell you a couple of fashion confessions.

One time I was going out with this girl. I’ll tell you, never a dull moment with this girl. Anyway, she decided she didn’t like her chest. She wanted to change her implants. So, she went to a plastic surgeon who specialized in breast augmentations. I went in with the woman I was going out with. The woman I was going out with started talking to the nurses. Mind, all the nurses looked like Barbie dolls. My friend who I was going out with couldn’t decide what size augmentation to get so one of the nurses said, “How about mine? Do you like this size?” She stuck her chest in my face. It all got kind of freaky so I waited in the car. Anyway, I was told to come back at the end of the day and pick up my friend. Well, I picked up my friend at the end of the day and she said, “I don’t know, I think they are too big.” It’s like we’re talking about windshield wipers. She said, “I’ll wait til the swelling goes down.” So all week long she kept checking things out. Well, she decided they were too big. So what did she do five days later? She goes back to get smaller ones. I was like, “You gotta be kidding me!” So she goes back and she gets a few sizes smaller and she was happy. I mean, knowing now what I know about infections, the whole thing freaks me out. Anyway, I thought I’d share that with you.

Another time, I was shooting on the west coast and it was the last day of shooting. We got done with the last shot and went out to celebrate the end of the shoot. Well, we all got back to the hotel at about 4 am, and what do I find in my mailbox? A package with 2 swimsuits and a note. It said, “Please shoot these 2 suits before you get on the plane.” Well, (a) I was extremely drunk and (b) I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I told my crew and there was a brief moment of silence and denial. So I rallied everyone. I think I got about an hour’s sleep. I got everyone together. We went outside to tape the ground where the model should stand. I shot on a tripod and taped my focus. I stood with the sun at my back, and shot the 2 shots with a cable release because I was shaking so hard I could have made a hell of a martini. My assistant who didn’t go out, thought it was all rather amusing.

The next story takes place in Portland. Yeah, I got on the plane. I thought it was going to Portland Oregon. I ended up in Portland Maine. I knew it was a bad start for a photoshoot. I really thought I was going to Oregon. Anyway, we finished the shoot and it all went well, but we went out to celebrate the end of the shoot. I was so hungover the next day, oh, yeah, this is why I don’t drink anymore. I was so hungover, I couldn’t get on the plane. I went outside to get some fresh air. I was holding the boarding pass. There was a Holiday Inn Express across from the airport. I dropped my boarding pass and started walking to the hotel. Well, my assistants heard the boarding call and grabbed my boarding pass and me and ushered me to the plane.

I have many stories like this and it’s why I don’t drink anymore. Anyway, I’ll share a few photos with you. I hope you have a good week. Love, B. Nice

Chapter 121 – January 15, 2014


Hi everybody. Welcome to the past. If you’re coming from the other blog, or if you just happened upon this blog, welcome. You know, I do this blog about the past because I love telling stories about all the things that happened to me. I’ve been lying on my back pretty much for four years. You have time to remember stuff when you lie on your back for four years. Anyway, here are a few fashion confessions.

I remember, I was shooting in Paris when I lived there. I was shooting on the coastline of Brittany. The model came out in a beautiful Chanel coat. I wanted to do a double page spread, so I told the girl to lie down on the ground. Well you’d think I cut someone’s head off because the editor went crazy. She made phone call after phone call. I thought someone died. My French isn’t so good. I didn’t understand what was going on. Well, apparently, you don’t lie a model down on the ground while she’s wearing a Chanel jacket. Welcome to Paris.

You know, I used to shoot on the street a lot. One of my favorite tricks was to find a good cafe, I mean a really good place with really good food. I would say to the owner, “Hey, look, I have to do a photo of a girl sitting at a cafe table, and if I do the shot here, we’ll have lunch here. Can I do the shot here? Is it cool?” The guy would say, “How many are you?” I said, “Oh, about ten.” He said, “Yeah, for sure.” Then I’d go to the fashion editor and I said, “I really want to do a shot in that cafe, but they’ll only do it if we have lunch there.” She said, “Oh, but we have lunch coming. It’s catered.” I said, “Oh, we’ll have it as an afternoon snack. Let’s just have lunch there and shoot.” She ultimately would say, “OK.” So I had a great lunch. I got a shot off. I love being a diplomat in Europe sometimes.

Oh yeah, one time we were shooting in Napa Valley at a vineyard. There was another vineyard I wanted to go to and do an afternoon shoot. Well the owner said, “Look, it’s $2000 to shoot here.” I said, “Let me think. How about if we buy $2000 worth of wine? Is that cool?” He thought about it and said, “Yeah, why don’t we do that.” So I got $2000 worth of wine and we got to shoot there. The art director thought it was the best thing in the world. She sent all the wine to the office. I was bummed out to say the least. I didn’t see a single bottle. Remind me to tell you the story of when I acted like an alcoholic in Napa Valley. It was priceless. I did stuff like asking people next to me if they were going to finish their taste-testing, could I have it? I did stuff like say, “I’ll have that bottle way up there please.” It was all very entertaining. Never a dull moment. Heh heh.

I’m sitting here with my friend. Her son is about 14. Then all of a sudden I started getting flashbacks to what I did when I was 14. My poor friend. She has no idea what she’s in for. That was just a thought.

So I was talking to my old friend who is an art director. We were talking about the good old days. Listen to me, I sound like an old fart. Anyway, we were talking about how good it was and I have to say it, it WAS great. I recommended a restaurant she should go to. She was in South Beach, Miami. Oh, that reminds me. I just had a flashback. One time I was shooting on the beach in Miami and I heard this Italian photographer growling, “Grrrr Woman! Grrr Woman!” I almost tripped over the guy. I looked over at him and he had a girl in a leopard print bikini growling at him, showing her nails like talons. Very dramatic and kinky. Anyway, back to my story, where was I? Oh yes, my friend the art director was in South Beach, Florida. I recommended a restaurant she should go to. She laughed. She said, “Honey, things are different now. I’m lucky to have a yogurt in my room.” So you see, maybe it’s not so bad having brain surgery and staying home.

My friend here was reading everything back to me. I was all over the place. Sorry you guys. Like my friend said, I gotta focus sometimes. Anyway, I was just excited to share a few stories with you. Chalk it up to Cabin Fever. I just want to say one more thing. I just wanted to say “Hi” to all my friends  in Australia. I wish I could hop on a plane and come down there and see you guys. Have a coffee for me. Anyway, this is B. Nice signing off. Love, B. Nice